The house is quiet at the moment, offering me a chance to get centered. It's a gift for myself that has become a learned skill.
Ease off; slow it down. Breathe.
I'm in the messy middle; can you relate?
As spring brushes forward, I have a list of to-do's that need tackling. And if I allow my mind to go there long enough, my little nerves get fried.
But as I straddle the worlds of who I was before chronic illness, versus whom I'm becoming, peace is all that matters.
I'm hoping that my actions convey that to the ones I love most.
And that is why I bought bees. Yes, bees! Buzz, buzz - sweet golden honey bees.
They'll bee here in a few weeks, and I can't bee-lieve it! (cheesy, but necessary :)
I had another restless night's sleep several months ago, and started shopping for bees. Yes, it was a spur of the moment purchase. But, I had also dreamt of this for years.
I clicked the "complete order" button, and bounced on our bed like a teen girl at a sleepover, shaking my husband from his sleep.
"I bought beeeeees!" I squealed.
"What? Are you serious?" he squinted back at me.
(He should know me better by now)
It went sideways from there. Was he thrilled? You'll have to ask him.
Here's the thing, I've been holding a secret in my heart about all this...
I bought the bees for him.
I've been wanting to keep bees for years; I find them equally important and fascinating. Enjoying their glorious honey, and making beautiful products from all their hard work is dreamy to me.
But, this right here. This is for my husband, Shawn.
My rock. My caregiver. My best friend. Ok - you get it.
When you have chronic illness, everyone in your immediate family is greatly impacted. We have been through it - I mean through it!
My husband (and my children, bless their sweet souls) have been my caregivers on-and-off for nearly five years.
We are finally, by the grace of God, coming out the other side of my illness. I'm getting stronger, healthier and more sassy by the minute!
I've been nudging my husband that it's time for him to start taking care of himself again. All of his energy has gone into me, and the children.
It's time to start dreaming, and living out more adventures, together.
He's a hard working gentleman, with a labor intensive day-job. I'm just offering up the possibility that he can pivot when he's ready, and work towards something new.
He loves nature, and treats our animals with so much care and compassion. I knew this would be good for him (a God wink, if you will).
And guess what?
He's all in!
Shawn and our son have been building the stands for our bee babies. I can't wait to share more details about the materials we're using, and why.
He's been studying for months on how to properly tend to them. He's like a mother hen, and they're not even here yet!
Books, videos, chatting with local beekeepers, and more. He's doing it.
Me? I'm getting there. We tend to work like that. I come up with big ideas, and he figures out the logistics. Bless this man. It can be stressful, and we certainly butt heads.
But, it all works out in the end. We create balance amongst each other.
So, here we are. Picking up the pieces, together.
My heart is hopeful; just like it was yesterday, and the day before.
And you know the saying, "busy as a bee"? I'm not feeling it. Not for this. We're creating something special that will nurture us, and many others for years to come. No need to put a time stamp on it.
I know several of my dear readers are chronic illness warriors, or have had major health scares. I just want to remind you that you are so loved, and valued. May you have hope in your heart today for a beautiful tomorrow.
Healing is your birthright.
And for all you caregivers out there - big love. May you be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.
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